it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
