so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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