Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dear god my vagina.
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