Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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