ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
