I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
