Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
