I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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