Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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