I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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