I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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