He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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