I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
