he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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