Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
