i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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