WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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