i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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