I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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