thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
