Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
