i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
