clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
