im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
