I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Someone shit on the floor
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
