god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
