I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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