TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
