Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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