he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
