I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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