Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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