Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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