Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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