I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
