the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you never un-have a 4some
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
