All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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