remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
