I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
