Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
