Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
