btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
