this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
