I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
