Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
