dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
