when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
