walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
