You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
