the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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