he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
