i was born a porn star she said
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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